008. A Dream Is Not By Any Means And Certainly Will Never Be A Wish Your Heart Makes

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This may be the first time that I can remember feeling let down by a book. Not even just one book, but a series of books that were written, admittedly, by potentially less-than-reputable sources. I should have looked into them further before I read them. This cannot possibly be accurate.

From A Wizard's Interpretation of Dreams by Darvish Kaftan

Dreams of sex and looking for sexual meaning in dreams is something of a pastime for dream interpreters. Often, you don't have to look very far. Sexual content, feelings of love, flirtation, attraction, and nocturnal rendezvous are often very explicit in dreams.

Sexual meaning has long been a first path of inquiry in dream interpretation. This is due, in part, to the significant contributions of Sigmund Freud to the area of dream interpretation. However, interpreting the sexual content of dreams can be difficult. University studies reveal significant differences in how men and women dream about sex. However, when all is said and done, almost everyone is "doing it" in dreamland. How Much? Sex during dreaming is reported as a topic of at least 12% of male dreams (It certainly seems like more than twelve. Is it more than twelve? I should take notes.) and 4% of female dreams. This discrepancy is generally consistent with our waking sex drives, with men doing much more thinking about the topic than women. (It is said that men think about sex far more than 12% of their waking lives, though.) (This is ridiculously unfair.) In his book 'Finding the Meaning in Dreams,' G. William Dumhoff reveals some interesting data about the manifestation of sex in dreams:

Gender: Men Women
Participating 93% 68%
Watching 7% 32%

This table indicates that women often separate themselves from what is going on in the dream sexually, whereas men see themselves as participants. This can be significant to understanding why it is more common for men-particularly boys-to have orgasms in the dream state than it is for women. (I... oh God. This is completely horrifying.) It also reveals the conflict that many women feel about the good-girl/bad-girl taboo.

Aside from overt sexual activities in dreams, the question of sexual images and symbols as they occur in dreams is important. Because sexuality is often cloaked in a heavy shroud of secrecy, either through childhood or throughout life, the subconscious is prone to visually represent sex in a variety of ways. Freud, in his theory of the sexually driven personality, contributed much to this line of thought.

Sexual dreams are not about sex exclusively. Often they are about how we perceive people and how we think others are perceiving us. To construct a framework for interpreting sexual dreams, it is important to identify who is with us in the dream and how we feel about the experiences being had while dreaming. (The individual with whom I was.. cavorting in this particular dream began as Mr. Darcy, as usual, and at some point during the dream or dreams began to look suspiciously like someone I know, which brought the dreams from disturbing to horrifying and intolerable. I don't think how I feel about the experience while dreaming is important, as I wasn't really myself, and it was just a dream, especially considering that when I woke up, I found the whole thing terrifying.)

Certain dreams are simply romantic. Boy and girl(Boy?) meet in the dream state and find themselves enjoying one another. This scenario commonly involves an attractive acquaintance and a generally pleasing environment. There is no violation of taboo, except for a sense that perhaps things are moving a little fast in the nocturnal relationship. Often, the dreamer has simply acted upon a desire for a relationship with a particular person. Freud's theory of wish-fulfillment is a sufficient explanation. (Freud is clearly insane.)

Other dreams begin to press on the boundaries of our taboos. These include dreams with sexual content the dreamer would consider inappropriate in waking, but participates in during the dream. These dreams can be very troubling. One can wake up feeling as though a rape was committed, a fidelity violated, or that innocence has been stripped away. Dreams of this nature may require some more thorough examination.

Identifying the "who" or "what" that has generated discomfort is an important first step. Was it a boss, co-worker, friend? Someone much older or younger than you with whom you have an affectionate, but platonic relationship? Or was it the nature of the encounter-coerced, cheating, public, or whatever-that is the most distinct feature of the dream? Who was forcing whom? Was it a stranger who reminded you of someone you know? (Literary character who reminded me of someone I know?) Representation and displacement relationships are often components of sexual dreaming.

Some of these dreams indicate our own ambivalence about taboos. There is, after all, something exciting about what is forbidden. In other cases, we are expressing our own frustration with a sex life that is not satisfying. Still other times, others have violated our boundaries and we respond by perceiving them as taking unmerited favors from us.

In all of these cases, the dreams are worth noting and studying. By looking into what you may find abhorrent at first, you will see aspects of your personality and the relationships around you that have gone mostly unnoticed. Perhaps most importantly, you will become more aware of the various facets of your personality in those relationships.

That cannot possibly be accurate. That is all completely ridiculous. Twelve percent, that is unthinkable. I just... no, not at all. Besides, he referenced Freud very frequently, and many of Freud's theories have since been determined to be inaccurate or obsolete. I didn't even discuss all the things Freud considered to be sexual imagery, which was a ridiculous range of objects and animals that included woodchucks. I do not associate woodchucks with anything even remotely sexual, and I do not intend to start. The whole thing is mad, really. Also, who dreams about woodchucks?

I checked another dream dictionary I found in a bookstore near my home. I may be paraphrasing, as I did not purchase the book, but I wrote a bit of it down, and recall that it had this to say on the subjects that were matters of some concern.

To dream that you are the opposite sex, suggests that you exhibit or need to incorporate those qualities of the opposite sex. Ask yourself, how do you feel being a man or a woman? In what ways can you incorporate those feelings into your waking life. (I feel perfectly fine about being a man and have no idea how I would incorporate that into anything at all.)

[...]

To dream that you are homosexual (but you are not in your waking life), represents a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and compassion. If, in your dream, you are not comfortable with homosexuality, then it suggests some fears/anxieties about your masculinity (if you are male) and femininity (if you are female). You may be experiencing some insecurity in your relations with the opposite sex. (...sounds reasonable.)

[...]

To see or read a novel in your dream, suggests that you need to look at things from of different point of view or angle. Determine what type of novel for further significance. The dream may also be a pun to indicate something new in your life.

[...]

If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her. (MAY NOT.)

The only problem is that I have found drastically conflicting advice from How to Interpret Your Own Dreams by Oliver Rickshaw.

The first thing you need to know about interpreting your dreams is that you should never use a dream dictionary, except for entertainment reasons. The reason I say this is because dreams are yours and yours only to interpret. What you are doing by looking in a dream dictionary, though some objects may relate, is opening up a fortune cookie and expect what you read inside will come true. Often times it will come true, for the simple fact that the topics are so broad that your "fortune cookie" could happen to any person on any given day.

Now that dream dictionaries are out of the picture, we must find our own way to interpret our own dreams. The best way seems to be asking your dream questions. By doing this you can gain valuable insights into what the dream means. You may want to start large with the dream itself and asking it questions, such as:

1. What were you doing in the dream?
2. What are the major contrasts and similarities in the dream and how do they relate?
3. What are the major symbols and relationships between these symbols?
4. What are the issues, conflicts, and unresolved situations in the dream?
5. What relationship does this dream or the symbols in the dream, have to do with any other dream?

After you have answered all these questions to yourself you can begin getting to the specifics:

1. How am I acting in the dream?
2. What symbols in this dream are important to me?
3. What are the different feelings in this dream?
4. What are the major actions in this dream?
5. Who or what is the adversary in this dream?
6. What is helping in this dream?
7. What would I like to avoid in this dream?
8. What actions might this dream be suggesting?
9. What does this dream want from me?
10. Why did I need this dream?

This could be a good thing, or a bad thing. On the one hand, it means that the business the first was babbling about could really just be babble. However, it could also mean that I will have no way of knowing what any of them meant, which is a problem in and of itself. Maybe I should just try the list. After all, the book did suggest it, and if the others were inaccurate, this may be helpful. I have no idea.

1. What were you doing in the dream? I think this goes without saying.
2. What are the major contrasts and similarities in the dream and how do they relate? Contrasts and similarities between what, exactly? The dream and my life? If that is the case, they contrast in many ways, not the least of which being that in my waking life, I am not intermittently myself and Elizabeth Darcy. Also, in my waking life, I do not do any of the things I did in that dream, and certainly not with any of those people.
3. What are the major symbols and relationships between these symbols? I do not remember any symbols that would be noteworthy. Bugger, I should have written this down right after I had the dream. How would I know if this was symbolism? What could it be symbolism for?
4. What are the issues, conflicts, and unresolved situations in the dream? Gender and identity, mostly.
5. What relationship does this dream or the symbols in the dream, have to do with any other dream? I have been having this dream or a similar dream several times in the last few weeks. It really needs to stop. I am afraid to go to bed.

1. How am I acting in the dream? Like Elizabeth Darcy. Yes, after her marriage to Mr. Darcy, hence the presumed name change. Except in the most recent dream, where I was sort of acting like myself towards the end, but very much unlike myself at the same time, and therein lies the problem.
2. What symbols in this dream are important to me? There are no symbols!
3. What are the different feelings in this dream? Feelings of horror upon waking up, primarily.
4. What are the major actions in this dream? Oh God.
5. Who or what is the adversary in this dream? My subconscious.
6. What is helping in this dream? The knowledge that it's only a dream.
7. What would I like to avoid in this dream? All of it.
8. What actions might this dream be suggesting? Actions that it cannot possibly be suggesting.
9. What does this dream want from me? Pain and suffering.
10. Why did I need this dream? Clearly, I am not disturbed enough.

Somehow, I don't think that will help. Unless, of course, writing them down somehow makes them stop. I would look into making a potion for dreamless sleep, but with my Potions ineptitude I would accidentally make something that made the dreams worse.

Here's hoping they simply... go away.

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There is this very interesting American author called Kurt Vonnegut whose work I have just recently picked up on. I found a copy of a book called Slaughterhouse Five when I was last at the library, and despite the fact that it was only published about 7 years ago, which is usually not really long ago enough for me to give it proper consideration, as it has not truly withstood the test of time, I picked it up based on a personal recommendation. The first part had some very interesting personal thoughts regarding the bombing of Dresden, which was an event in muggle history that has truly not been discussed to the full extent which the author seems to feel that it should be. He seems to believe that the destruction was more terrible and more extensive than the bombing of Hiroshima, and that few people really realize this. I have yet to finish the book or discover what he bases these opinions on, but I am thinking about picking up another book on the subject. I feel rather uninformed about the subject.

Oh, and apparently, some band Sirius likes reads Tolkien. Led Zeppelin, I think it was. How peculiar.

I hope all of you are doing well, and I anticipate seeing you when school is back in session.

Sincerely,
Remus Lupin